Joe's Pet Peeves

1.) When strings, chords, or wires start out in a straight line and then 2 hours later are tied in three or four knots.
I didn’t do that. I haven’t even touched them. Perhaps they have a nervous system of their own and get
fidgety. One second to plug in a chord, one hour to untie the mystery knots. Not worth it.


2.) When you ask somebody if they can do something and they say, “I should be able to” or “that shouldn’t be a problem.”
Yeah, well I should be able to get a straight answer from you – yes or no… Am I supposed to wait until the last minute to find out?


3.) When your friends invite you and the guys to help them move on Saturday and nothing is packed.
Not only did your lazy ass misrepresent the actual duties to be performed but somehow “you and the guys” just turned into “you.” Yeah, and when you said you would have “pizza or something” we ended up going with the “something.” Chips, lunch meat, microwaveable burritos and the like. Wow, you really made out didn’t you?


4.) Backseat Drivers
Are you serious? You can’t even drive when you are in the front seat - behind the wheel, and you are giving ME tips? Well I have a
tip for you… shut up or drive.

5.) Being invited over for dinner and they don’t have the proper condiments
Listen, I appreciate the gesture and realize that I could be at home having a TV dinner. But… that TV dinner would taste a whole lot better than plain hot dogs. I mean you have got be kidding me, there is no ketchup in the house – anywhere? Did you lose it? Too expensive? That’s not logical. You wouldn’t offer me a ride to school but stop a block away from the destination and have me just walk the rest, would you. I mean, thanks for the ride but I would have been better off taking my 10 speed.


6.) Telling me what is going happen in the movie 1 minute before it happens
Come on, man. Being excited is okay – really, it is. But how can I be excited if the upcoming scene is no longer a surprise? It truly defeats the purpose of how you want me to feel. In fact, now how I feel is… I never want to see a movie with you again. You can just see one by yourself and then break the whole thing down for me – scene by scene. How about that?


7.) When people you know, who you haven’t seen in a while are so excited to see you that they come up and start giving you a shoulder massage.
Not only do they not know how to give a “massage” but they are damaging your shoulder tissue by the second. As their fingers dig into your shoulder blades not only are you in pain but you realize why it’s been so long since you’ve seen them. You don’t want to hurt their feelings so you let them continue until you can’t move your neck anymore.
They smile and walk away thinking how great it is to have friends and you are left thinking that with friends like that, who needs enemies…


8) When you miss a call from someone –no message left - and you call them back in 50 seconds only to get their voicemail
And of course you call back in another 50 seconds – and again, voicemail. This goes on the whole day. One question: Why did you even call me if you didn’t want to talk that day? Did you call to tell me that you weren’t interested in talking, in case I had planned to call you? Unbelievable.


9.) Starting off with 10 pair new pair of socks and then 30 days later all you have is

10.) individual socks.
I have got variety packs so I can’t even wear different ones together because gold and green don’t match. How did this happen? It always happens – non stop since I was old enough to buy my own socks. I don’t have the time to do sock reconciliation every night. I’m serious.